Unrequited Love

I never really bought into the whole ‘one right person for everyone’ thing.  It seems overly idealistic.  No one is perfect, we all make mistakes, and despite our best efforts, we hurt each other.  Love is a choice.  Yes, there are emotions involved, but they aren’t sustainable, so you need to choose to love your partner through the good and bad times.  I always thought you chose a person you liked and were compatible with, but you could easily have chosen someone else and been just as happy, because it’s a mutual choice to put the other person ahead of yourself.  I don’t think you could be happy with just anyone, but I think there are multiple people you could be happy with.

However, I recently thought, perhaps that’s not true.  Perhaps you don’t just choose someone.  Actually, I think you do, but I don’t think that was God’s original intention.  I think there really is one right person for everyone.  There must be.  However, that’s not usually who we end up with, because we stuff things up all the time.  What if your person chooses someone else?  What if you do something bad and you break up and they don’t forgive you?

Unrequited love is truly awful.  I’m sure everyone has experienced it at some time.  It hurts.  I am convinced that God does not want that.  Therefore, in a perfect world, the person we loved would love us back.  No unrequited love.  One right person for everyone.*

*This is a very poorly written post, and rather inarticulate, but I hope you get my point.


13 Replies to “Unrequited Love”

  1. Here are my thoughts: there’s multiple people you could be in love with, but given that you meet such a small percentage of people in the world in your lifetime, there will probably be very few people that you meet who you fall in love with. For some people, it will only be one person, for some people it may even be none. And when you do meet one of those people there’s probably a feeling of not being in control of your feelings; hence the notion of having met ‘the one’. See, I can even dissolve love into statistics!

  2. I’m not convinced by the idea of soul mates. Do you think it’s possible that some people might distort this idea and hence become too picky?

    Some of my Christian friends don’t agree with me on this, but to me it seems pretty clear cut that if you’re a Christian, you shouldn’t go out with, become romantically involved with, or marry a man or woman who doesn’t share your beliefs.

  3. A curious thought.

    On a personal level, I don’t find the matter at all consequential. Regardless of whether or not a given individual somewhere out there is your “one and only”, it doesn’t really affect our final response. Love for one’s mate, whether that be brought about by destiny, chance or a combination of the two, assuming it is a real, Godly love, will remain a constant.

    I can, however, see a degree of comfort in the sentiment that there is someone for each and every one of us. It does counter-act the child-like fear that we are compatable with exactly noone. But if God is at least loving then I would be fool to put any stock in such fears.

    On another note, I certainly hope that each and every one’s “one and only” does not exist, otherwise the pursuit of bachelorhood suddenly takes on a rather selfish streak.

    But either way, it does not strike me as an important matter. I know well that God is fully capable of filling the void of romantic solitude with pure and unbridled joy, so from a Christian viewpoint the concept needs not to be entertained out of a need for reassurance.

    Still, a curious thought. 🙂

      1. I did, several times, although apparently I did not respond in the way you wanted… I will try again. 🙂

        You… want people’s thoughts on the concept that, in a perfect world, God would have a perfect partner for each and every one of us? If so, my mistake was to focus on the merit of dwelling on such a concept in the present fallen world.

        But in regards to the “perfect world”, I suppose it’s possible. The fact that we have relationships in the present lends credibility to the notion that there is a perfect form of it in the world God intended. But this may be a presumption as to what perfect love looks like or needs.

        Jesus said that marriage would not exist in heaven. Interesting, considering God’s earlier remark “It is not good for man to be alone.” So does this mean that God intended to have the perfect match for every one of us? Or was the statement simply in regards to community? Does there need to be a perfect match for all, or is it simply sufficient for a complimenting personality to be made ideal in Christ, “prepared” as it were? Is marriage even a central element in the walk of life, or just an assistant?

        Regardless, it seems that the importance of this supposal is entirely dependant on the importance you place on marriage. I have no doubt that the age to come, in its solutions to sin’s corruption, will reveal numerous misunderstandings of the problem on our part. I, for one, see Christ’s love as being more than enough, so I struggle with the idea of a pre-prepared “ideal other for all”. To me, that is Christ and Christ alone. Any relationship we pursue on this Earth will be fallen in nature… so whether it is true or not has no baring on us anymore. Christ is our perfect other.

        As for unrequited love being painful, you (possibly unintentionally) raise an interesting point. Is it the unreturned feelings that are broken, or the emotional response we have to it? While our fallen circumstances make sense of the response, what about when the larger conditions are redeemed?

  4. I’m really not sure about the one perfect person for each of us. It’s a nice dream but I think it’s possible to have a number of loves of your life.
    On another note, unrequited love is awful painful & horrible- also leaves me hoping there is more than one person for me- or that I haven’t found ‘the one’ yet!

  5. the fact that there are so many people in the world, im guessing finding your “one” is very unlikely. I would be very sad if my “one” lived in a remote african tribe and spoke a local dialect! I think there are many compatible people for everyone, and its how you interact together that causes love. As romantic as the idea of a “one” for everyone, realistically i just dont think its possible =(
    i’m just lucky i found one of my “ones” and now he has become my only one xxx

  6. Kelly, you express what I’m thinking.

    I’ve talked to some of my friends about this, and some of them seem fixated on the idea that God chooses the person for them. I’m more persuaded by the argument that God gives us the responsibility for our own choice of marriage partner, and expects us to honour Him with our choice.

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