Should I Stay Or Should I Go?

IMG_7825I couldn’t resist the Clash song for my title.  If you don’t know it, you’re clearly very young and you should use Google to educate yourself as to how cool with Clash are 🙂  It’ll become clear later what the title means, although I’m sure you’re not a moron and you can guess.

I’ve been having a great time lately.  Mostly.  I’ve been a bit sick and that’s never fun.  I had a violent stomach bug, then a cold that’s been going on for a couple of weeks, but I guess that’s the nature of living in a place like this. Stomach bugs are all too common.

First, let me tell you a little of what’s been happening lately.

Saturday night was the ‘fall’ (it’s the southern hemisphere Americans…) concert.  It was Disney themed and the most fun!  I loved every second of it!  The rehearsals, the performances (2 of them), everything!  Sometimes I want to give up everything and just be a musician.  I’m sure that’s not a surprise to anyone who knows me!  I played the trumpet in a jazz group where we did a song from ‘The Jungle Book’, and I also sang ‘Mother Knows Best’ from ‘Tangled’ with one of my year 12s as Rapunzel.  Sooooo much fun!  It really was incredible fun.  I miss performing.

Here is a photo of Chloe & I on stage.  So much fun!

IMG_7805

Now to the crux of what the title means.  I’m considering staying here one more year.  And I mean considering.  I have by no means made any sort of choice.  I change my mind every second day and I don’t know how to make a final decision.  I’m due to leave in June and that’ll make 18 months since I first arrived.  School here goes mid year to mid year, so I’ll be finishing out this current school year, but I’m considering staying one more school year and returning to Australia in June 2016 instead of June 2015.

I love my job and I adore my kids.  I really do want to keep my job and stay at the school.  I love what I do.

But…

Life here is hard.  Life is complicated and difficult.  Nothing works, we have constant black outs, you often can’t buy food that you want, the water isn’t drinkable, the weather is so hot and humid all the time, it’s terribly noisy (people, the airport, the military base next door), it’s often unsafe (especially for a woman), there is rubbish everywhere, the environment isn’t cared for, there’s nothing to do, etc etc.  There are so many other things I could mention…

IMG_7604I know it sounds like I’m complaining, but it’s true.  There are good things about living here, but there are plenty of bad things about living here.  I honestly don’t like living in Indo.  It’s not a nice place to live, despite the beautiful beaches.  The only reason I would consider staying is the people.  I seriously adore my job and I’d desperately miss my kids if I left.

I don’t want to leave them, but I also don’t want to live here.  How on earth do I make that choice?

I miss Australia and I miss convenience.  That might sounds selfish, but anyone who has lived in a developing nation will know what I mean.  Holidaying is not the same thing either.  You can’t really understand what it’s like unless you’ve done it long term.

I also don’t want to leave a job I adore to get a job that I don’t love.  That’s the nature of teaching though I suppose.  You never know how you’ll like your next job until you get it.

So, all of this is to say that I don’t know what to do.  I don’t know how to make a choice.  I don’t want to stay and I don’t want to leave.  I have great reasons for both decisions.

But then again… sometimes I think I’ll just run away to London and hide there for a while.  I do love London…

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6 Replies to “Should I Stay Or Should I Go?”

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