I know it’s been a ludicrously long time since I’ve blogged, but I’m back again. I can only account for my absence by saying that I haven’t felt the motivation to write. It’s one thing to want to communicate in depth, but it’s quite another to actually communicate in depth. I’ve never had that problem before, so this is a new experience for me. I want to share, but having the mental energy to write is actually another thing.
I haven’t even written about OE, and I will. That will be my very next blog, but I can’t do a summary of the last couple of months and that all at once. Spending 2 weeks in a remote village with nothing (and I mean nothing) was something else. No electricity, no toilets, no showers, no anything. That was back in Feb and it was one of my most amazing experiences I’ve ever had, but again, that’ll have to wait for another time.
Life here is as it always is.
That is; it is hard and wonderful and terrible and slow and fast and busy and boring and challenging and great and awful and terrific and joyful and sad.
There are so many things here that I love, and so many things here that I hate. I love my people here. I adore my colleagues, friends and students. I have made such amazing friends that I never want to leave. There are people here who inspire me and live life in such a way that anyone would want to emulate. I can’t imagine life without some of these people, and I don’t want to.
It is still hard to live here.
I might be selfish and accustomed to luxury, but I miss supermarkets. I miss cafes. I miss my family. I miss my long term friends. I miss the life I had. I feel teary as I think of the people I have left behind and the lifestyle I have left behind. In part, this makes me feel selfish, in part this makes me feel ok.
I love my friends here and I love my students. I adore my job. I honestly do. It’s hard at times, but it‘s also amazing and rewarding. Teaching in a new system has been different, but good.
I love the friendships I have built here and I really do love my new life. I honestly don’t want to live without these people.
I love camping holidays at isolated beaches where we laze around all day and talk and play cards and read and just spend time. I love the way we have dinner and talk and enjoy the fun things about each other. I love the way we understand the challenges we each face and can relate in a way that we don’t get to experience in western society. I also just love the ‘normal’ friendship of truly good people. I say ‘normal’ because I don’t know how else to say it. It is normal, but it also isn’t.
I am constantly looking forward to going back to Australia and visiting the people and places that I love. However, I know that when I leave here it’s going to kill me. I know it’ll be devastating to leave the people I love here, and I don’t know how to prepare for that.
I both want to leave and don’t want to leave; and I have no idea how to reconcile those feelings. I don’t think I can. Eventually I just need to choose one and deal with the sadness that comes with it. I’m due to leave here in June 2016, and whilst I think that is the right thing to do at this point, it’s still kind of painful.
Anyway, there is a rather emotional and confusing insight into my very stable mind…